AHS Freakshow Prank One-Shots
by midnightrebellion86
Summary: A series of prank one-shots revolving around Jimmy, Bette and Dot pulling pranks on either each other or other members of their troupe.
1. Prank 1 Pipes and High Pitches

**Hello all, midnightrebellion86 here.**

 **I'm going to be taking a break from my remakes of certain seasons, so I'm going to be doing a series of one-shots. I was re-reading NotMarge's Jimmy Not Moses again, and new idea's came to my head. Yup, this will mostly feature Bette, Dot and Jimmy. But there will be some other characters included. There will be NO OCs. Just strictly ECs (Existing Characters).**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own American Horror Story.**

 **Prank 1 Pipes and High Pitches**

Sitting out in the open field of the Freak Show camp grounds was a two headed woman and a young man with lobster claw like hands. The three were not in the greatest of moods.

 _"I hate that woman."_ Dot thought to her sister.

 _"Hate is such a strong word, sister."_ Bette relayed back.

Dot growled under her breath at her sister's lecturing. _"Bette, don't lecture me right now,"_ Dot snapped. " _That woman thinks just because we sing better than her, that we're just gonna step back and give her the spotlight. Well, I got a present for her."_

Jimmy, already familiar with Bette and Dot's mental conversations with themselves, decided to remain quiet. He too was mad at Elsa.

"Jimmy." Dot called, taking Jimmy out of his thoughts.

Jimmy looked in Dot's direction. "What is it, Dot?" Jimmy asked.

"What do you think we should do about big bad boss lady?" Dot asked.

Jimmy let out a small laugh as the wide grin stayed on his face. "I thought you'd never ask," Jimmy said as he pulled out a clean opium pipe that had never been used. "C'mon, follow me."

Jimmy looked both ways before making sure that no one was in sight. He took a few steps back towards all the tents before looking under a few tables and bins to ensure that Ma Petite wasn't spying on the three.

"Okay, the coast is clear," Jimmy said. "C'mon."

The three began making their way towards their helium machine, and Dot quickly caught onto what Jimmy had in mind.

 _"Oh, this is gonna be so funny, sister."_ Dot relayed.

 _"After tonight, no one will wanna hear her sing."_ Bette relayed back.

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

It was now night time at the Freak Show. The big tent was filled to capacity with eager audience members awaiting the start of the show. The members of the crowd were having all different kinds of conversations at once, making the chatter sound like a bunch of jumbled mess. The lights dimmed down and a stage light beamed at the red curtain as circus music began to play throughout the tent.

Ethel, the MC of the Freak Show came out and took the microphone. "Good evening all," Ethel greeted. "Welcome to tonight's show!"

Ethel did the usual introduction of the different freaks. Jimmy did his lobster hand act using the projector, Paul did his act, the pinheads just twirled around carelessly and following a few more acts, Ethel came back out and took the microphone. The crowd seemed to really enjoy Jimmy's lobster claw act, though.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the leader and the one and only, Elsa Mars!" Ethel said with enthusiasm.

Elsa came onto the stage with her own smaller microphone clipped to her button down sky blue top. She was also wearing matching blue pants.

The German woman looked into the eyes of the crowd with confidence. Amazon Eve began to play the piano and Elsa began to sing Life on Mars.

 **It's a god-awful small affair**

The entire crowd busted into a chorus of hysterical laughter at the sound of Elsa's unusually high pitched voice. Even Elsa was stunned at this. The German woman regained her composure and continued the song.

 **To the girl with the mousy hair**  
 **But her mummy is yelling, "No!"**  
 **And her daddy has told her to go**  
 **But her friend is nowhere to be seen**  
 **Now she walks through her sunken dream**

The crowd was dying with laughter now. Elsa didn't make it past 'Now she walks through her sunken dream, due to the laughs drowning out her high pitched voice. The German's blood was boiling big time, and she was not able to hold in that temper of hers. She used the microphone attached to her outfit and went off on the crowd.

"Du dummer wertlos menschen!" Elsa snapped using her native tongue, but she sounded less threatening, due to her voice being high pitched from the helium. "Scheiß auf euch alle! Wie kannst du es wagen mich in mein größter Moment verspotten? Sie wertlos Schlampen für Hausfrauen ! Und Sie Hälfte Männer, die an gefallen eure Frauen einen schlechten Job machen. Erhalten Sie die Hölle aus meinem Zelt!"

The crowd had tears in their eyes because they were laughing so hard.

Backstage, Jimmy, Bette and Dot couldn't hold back their laughter, due to hearing the whole thing from backstage. In fact, that could be said for all the freaks, including Elsa's puppet, Ethel. The laughter stopped when an irate Elsa stormed backstage with fury in her eyes.

"Which one of you put helium in my opium pipe?" Elsa demanded in her high pitched voice. "Tell me now!"

The freaks were all trying to catch their breath from all the laughter, and eventually, the irate Elsa stormed off to be alone in her tent.

 **That's it for this prank.**

 **I used Google Translator for Elsa's outburst in German, so if I messed up any words, my bad.**

 **Bye for now.**


	2. Prank 2 All Tied Up

**Hello all, midnightrebellion86 here with another prank.**

 **I'm going to be doing American Horror Story for awhile, so I need to ease back into it with some one-shots.**

 **Prank 2 Tied Together**

The sun had long since set and it was dark out with a ¾ moon. Bette, Dot, Jimmy, Amazon Eve, Ma Petite and Maggie Esmerelda were the only ones awake. They each had a look on their face like they were up to something, which was true.

Del Toledo had been getting on everyone's nerves for the past two weeks, Dandy wouldn't stop begging Jimmy to let him join the freakshow and Stanley was focused on killing off a freak to sell off as an exhibit.

"Guys, are we still on for the plan?" Jimmy asked.

Dot, not really liking Jimmy's question, gave him an annoyed look. "Jimmy, what kind of question is that?" Dot asked. "We're still awake, aren't we?"

"Fair enough," Jimmy replied as he turned his attention to the rest of his companions. "Okay, we have to make this quick."

"Jimmy, how in the world are we going to lift up Del's big ass without waking him up?" Maggie asked.

"Maggie, he's passed out drunk," Jimmy stated. "So are Dandy and Stanley. They're all in the abandoned caravan."

Ma Petite, with her innocent look, pulled out a thing of lipstick. "I can't wait to make Del a pretty little girl." Ma Petite said in her wee tiny voice.

"Oh, he's gonna be pretty, alright." Jimmy said.

"What are we suppose to do?" Bette asked.

"You'll see," Jimmy said as he smiled at the twins. "Don't worry. You won't be left out."

The group made their way to the large caravan that had several dents on the side with a door that just wouldn't stay shut, due to the hinges being rusty. The group made their way into the dank caravan, and everyone had to cover their noses. There was the putrid smell of alcohol, body odor and vomit mixed with the smell of piss and shit.

"Oh god, it's smells horrible in here." Maggie said as she did all she could to not throw up from the smell.

Knowing that they were not going to survive the awful smell, the group hurried with their tasks. Ma Petite carefully applied red lipstick to the lips of a sleeping Del Toledo, the sleeping figure of the spoiled Dandy Mott and a lightly snoring Stanley.

Despite the smell, the group got a kick out of how funny Del, Dandy and Stanley looked with lipstick.

Next, Bette and Dot painted the guy's faces with facepaint, well it was mainly Dot. For Del, Dot had written 'small' on the left side of his face and 'dick' on the right side. For Dandy, Dot wrote 'fuck' on the left cheek and 'mommy' on the right. And for Stanley 'bullshit' on the left cheek and 'liar' on the right.

Once that was done, Eve brought out a rope and tied the three up in a way where they appeared ready to share a three way kiss. It was a lot of work, but everyone chipped in with moving the three sleeping pestering drunks around to get to that pose. The three were tied tightly by the wrists and by the ankles, so there would be no easy way for them to get out of it without the assistance of someone.

The Next Day:

Everyone's eating breakfast in the meal tent, but Del, Dandy and Stanley are missing in action.

"My, it sure is quiet and peaceful this morning," Elsa said with her German accent. "I wouldn't mind having every morning be like this."

"I hear you on that, Elsa," Desiree, the three breast woman said. "Ever since I kicked Del out of my caravan, I can actually sleep at night."

"Speaking of Del, where is he?" Paul asked.

"He was pretty drunk last night," Jimmy said. "Chances are, he's hung over with a pain in the ass headache."

"That serves him right drinking like that," Ethel, the bearded lady said. "I know I'm not missing him."

The gossip was ended when Del, Dandy and Stanley began walking over to the food tent, but they were tied together, and they looked like they were about to start making out with each other with how they were facing each other.

"Who the hell did this to us?!" Del demanded. "Untie us now!"

Everyone in the food tent broke out in stomach aching laughter at what they saw. This angered the three that were tied up. Dandy stomped his feet and had a tantrum. Stanley threatened Maggie, who couldn't stop laughing and Del threatened to break Elsa's neck, but Elsa didn't believe him.

 **That's it for this prank.**

 **You can request a prank if you want.**

 **Bye for now.**


	3. Prank 3 Porter Potty

**Hello all, midnightrebellion86 here with another prank.**

 **This one is for you, Anja1986, since you like Elsa Mars so much.**

 **If you're squeamish, I don't advise reading this one.**

 **Prank 3 Porter Potty**

Elsa was sitting in her tent, and she had a dangerous look in her brown eyes as she took a puff off of her opium pipe. Stationed across from the head of the freakshow was Ethel, the bearded lady. Ethel had a scowl on her face and she had her arms folded.

"Elsa, you need to calm down," Ethel said calmly in her Baltimore accent. "I know Dell is drivin' you crazy, but you gave him that contract."

The blonde woman narrowed her eyes at her employee before taking in a deep breath to calm herself and hold back the already built up anger.

"That man is ruining my act," Elsa ranted. "This is the fourth matinee in the row, and look at where he's got me booked yet again, Ethel."

Elsa pulled out a flier to the next matinee show and handed it to Ethel. Ethel studied the piece of paper carefully and saw where Elsa was booked. The bearded lady frowned at the contents of the paper that was handed to her. Before Ethel could say anything, Bette and Dot came walking into the area that Elsa and Ethel currently occupy.

"Miss Elsa," Bette called in her charming Alabama accent, grabbing the attention of the German woman. "The toilet's backed up again."

Dot, not being one to hesitate taking a dig at someone, looked at Ethel before chiming in. "I think your ex-husband might've shit out the whole state of Texas again." Dot stated.

When Dot said this, a small smile crept onto the face of Elsa Mars. She took a small puff of her opium before facing the twins. "Thank you for bringing this to my attention, you two," Elsa said gratefully and gave the twins a genuine smile. "The both of you have just given me an idea. Now, please leave me and Ethel, and the two of you go relax."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Four days had passed since the last matinee show. Currently, a bald burly man with fair skin and brown eyes wearing a white wife beater under blue jean overalls was walking outside the camp grounds in a hurry as he was holding his stomach. This is none other than Dell Toledo, the freak show's strongman.

"God damn, Ethel can make a damn good pot of chili," Dell praised as he quickened his pace. "But the damn shit's gonna have me on the shitter for awhile."

After a brief walk, Dell reached the small structure with a white rooftop and painted blue that stood at seven feet tall and was a good three and a half feet wide. Dell quickly opened the door to the porter potty and rushed in, shutting the door behind him and locking it.

Once Dell was secure inside the porter potty, Ma Petite came from behind a nearby bush and ran towards Elsa's big red and white tent to inform her boss of the events.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dell Toledo had been in the porter potty for a good half an hour, but the door was now padlocked shut. Not only that, but the porter potty was also hitched to the back of a truck, which had Amazon Eve in the driver's seat of the truck.

"Oh god!" Dell's voice groaned from the inside of the porter potty.

Standing outside were Bette, Dot, Jimmy, Elsa, Paul, Ethel and Desiree. Elsa turned her attention to Eve, who was sitting in the truck.

"Eve, give that man a trip to the bathroom he'll never forget." Elsa ordered.

Eve just nodded her head and put the keys in the ignition of the truck, causing the engine to turn on. Those that were present, along with the other freaks moved a safe distance away from the porter potty that was hitched to the truck. Bette and Dot had that look on their face that they were in one of their personal conversations.

"Sister, I'm gonna need a barf bag after this." Bette said.

"There's the ground right in front of you." Dot relayed back in her usual indifferent tone.

Bette and Dot stopped their mental conversation amongst themselves when the truck started moving, dragging the porter potty with Dell locked inside with it. Eve began driving the truck in circles, leaving tire marks on the concrete as the truck and the porter potty spun in circles. The porter potty, due to being at a slight slant from being hitched, was constantly bumping against the ground. You could hear an irate Dell Toledo on the other side of the porter potty.

"Hey, get me the hell out of here, now!" Dell shouted from the other side as his burly fists pounded against the walls of the porter potty. "I'm not kidding! I'll kill all you freaks when I get out of here!"

Being called freaks didn't sit well with the others, so Amazon Eve kicked it up a notch and began driving much faster, making the porter potty spin much faster. After a good five minutes of spinning Dell around in the potty, Eve stopped the truck and took the keys out of the ignition before getting out and joining the others.

Desiree walked over with a key in her hand and walked over to unlock the padlocked porter potty. Once she did so, she took the padlock and ran back over to the others. Elsa turned her attention to her troupe.

"Everyone, I advise you cover your noses," Elsa said before she picked up a thick hose. "This next act is what I call the shit drench."

The door to the porter potty opened, and a wobbly, dizzy and angry Dell Toledo stumbled out of the bathroom with shit all over his overalls, due to the waste getting on his close during the spin. The group wanted to burst into side splitting laughter, but they couldn't due to not wanting to smell the shit that was all over Dell.

"I'll kill you stupid freaks!" Dell shouted in a dizzy slur.

Elsa just calmly laughed before addressing her employee. "My oh my, you need a bath," Elsa mocked. "Why don't I help you."

With that, Elsa turned the hose on, making slimy yellowish green waste come out, pelting Dell Toledo with it. The stench was so putrid that even those that covered their noses ended up vomiting on the ground. Bette and Dot's eyes were watering because of the strong stench, and sure enough, Bette was the first to throw up, but Dot did all she could to stay strong, but even she couldn't hold on.

The backed up and old shit, piss and vomit covered Dell's body, and the glops and lumps of the slimy yellow fluid dripped onto the ground as the angry strongman did allhe could to try and attack the freaks, but the pressure from the hose was just too strong for even the strongman. Once all the contents were emptied from the hose, Elsa turned it off, and Dell was too warn out from trying to hit Elsa to try and do anything now.

"You see, Mr. Strongman, when you shit on Fraulein Elsa, you get it ten times worse," Elsa said in a cocky and cold tone. "Now get off my grounds. You don't belong here anymore."

Dell stood up with both his fists clenched. "I'll kill you, you old bitch!" Dell shouted as he attempted to rush Elsa.

The Fraulein turned the hose back on, hitting him with more waste and knocking him down. At this point, the freaks had already gotten over the putrid smell, and they were laughing their asses off at their now former security guard.

 **That's it for this prank.**

 **Anja1986, I hope you enjoyed it.**

 **I'm open to suggestions for other pranks.**

 **Bye for now.**


End file.
